Parenting Professionals

I am going to throw a fact out there. Just a little tidbit about my parenting skills. Ready? I do NOT know what I'm doing. And here's another thing...NO ONE DOES.

My daughter is currently screaming at the top of her lungs as we do our best to get her to sleep. (Yes, I'm blogging. It's Daddy's turn.) This is after two nights of one of us either sleeping on the living room rug or in the recliner with her. She just won't sleep. Honestly, if she was awake and wouldn't sleep, and that was the only issue, I'd be fine. It's the screaming. Non-stop, ear piercing, screaming. Nothing makes her happy. Snacks, milk, special blankies, lullabies, stuffed animals, back rubs...she's just pissed. So, we co-sleep. We do that AWFUL parenting thing of, you know, surviving! How terrible of me to comfort and console my tired, angry, uncomfortable child by laying her near me, where I can brush her hair and pat her back. How dare I let her know that I am near when she needs me.

The other night, my son refused the food we cooked for him. He didn't eat and I told him no snacks later if he didn't finish his dinner, or at least take a couple bites. Fast forward to 9pm and past his bedtime, and the child is starving. Oh, sure, I could be a hard ass and tell him tough cookies, you're going to bed hungry, but who would that help? I'd listen to him cry and wail that he was "staaaaarving, Mommy!" and feel like a terrible person for letting him feel hunger. So, I gave him a snack of goldfish crackers and milk. How could I?! How could I even think that feeding him that far after his bedtime was a good idea? He must learn boundaries and consequences! How dare I let my child know that I will do my best to bring him peace and ease his rumbling tummy when I have it in my power.

A couple months ago, this same sweet, defiant boy, was being disruptive, disrespectful, and obnoxious. A typical 3 year old mentality in my personal opinion. However, he was told (repeatedly) that if he didn't shape up and choose a different attitude and behavior, that there would be consequences. The attitude continued and we are firm believers in following through with what you say when it comes to discipline. No iPad? Done. I don't waiver on this. (An iPad is not a necessity of life, whereas sleep and food are.) It escalated to our boy being told, "If you do that one more time, you will get a spanking." Spanking is not our go to. Our child is a very smart, very well behaved young man, so if we get there, we mean business. This particular day, he was not going to listen and guess what happened? He got a well placed hand on his tush. Just his tush. Just one swat. He shaped up, we all moved on, and life went on as happy as before. My child knows that we will ALWAYS provide, protect, and love him. We will support him and encourage him. He also knows that there are consequences for our actions and understands respect. Do I like spanking him? Of course not. But is it effective? With my child, you bet. Maybe not for yours. But how dare I choose to discipline my SAFE, HAPPY, HEALTHY, LOVED child? How dare I teach him consequences and respect.

Here's my point. My choices may not be your choices. But do not dare to judge me. If I were beating my child, starving my child, putting them in unsafe situations...by all means, please step in. Please show me that there is something perhaps I am not seeing. But when my children are very obviously loved, adored, protected, encouraged, cherished...do not presume to tell me (or gossip about) how I raise MY children. There are no two children more loved and fiercely protected than mine. Momma Bear WILL come out. And when you HAVE CHILDREN of your own, I can assure you that these same situations will come up. You may choose a different path, but I guarantee someone will judge you for it. Let your child cry in their crib until they are gagging on their own tears and snot? That is one method that has some basis behind it. Do I like to do it? No. But I have tried it. It doesn't work for my family. Do I judge you for doing it? NO! I support you, you tired, overworked, doing-the-best-you-can, Momma. Only feed your child organic food and never let them have a little sugar treat (or in our case instant Mac n' Cheese...omg...the creamy goodness)? Doesn't work for me. My family is big, German, and we like some FOOD. Do I judge you for doing the crunchy granola thing? Not in the slightest. Rock on, Hippie Mom! Let your hemp flag fly! I will love and support you...while I sit here and eat my pint of Ben & Jerry's. (I mean, seriously!? Have you tried The Tonight Dough?! Life. Changing.) And yes, if you don't agree with spanking, I support you, too. I hope you have other channels where you teach your child respect and appreciation, etc. etc. But please, if you have never been in our shoes, bite your tongue. You know nothing about the exhaustion, the defeat, the helplessness, hopelessness, and fear that we live every single day. Are we doing it right? Are we screwing up our kids? Will they remember the good things and how hard we tried to make their lives as perfect as we possible could? Will they know the sleep deprivation, the sacrifices, and the deepest love ever known? The last thing we need is to know that we are being watched, judged, and criticized every step of the way. It's hard enough as it is. Knock it off.

Here is where I get off my soap box, and most likely trip over my own feet.