10 Pin

Let me preface what I am about to tell you, with the fact that I have been trying really, really hard to eat healthier. I'm talking spinach and pineapple smoothies in the morning, chock full of apple cider vinegar (with the MOTHER ya'll!), lemon oil, unsweetened coconut milk...as much health as I can pack in that poor blender. I was eating a can of green beans and a 90 calorie pack of lunch meat turkey of lunch and NO SODA. I would cheat at least once a day with a small treat, but I was always under my carb limit for the day. Since the Sunday before Christmas, I have lost 15 lbs and was holding steady. I think today, I may have thrown all in the proverbial toilet. I had a normal breakfast if you include the Dove chocolate I melted in my coffee. I had McDonald's for lunch WITH a Shamrock Shake. I mean, really? How can you go to McD's in March without that violent green goodness? You can't, that's how. I am now eating a burger, onion rings, and a beer at the bowling alley while I wait on my turn to throw down. Just kidding. Make a fool of myself.

To say I am stressing myself out is an understatement. I work a full time job, I'm a mother to two children, the wife to one amazing man, I own my own photography business, I'm on a weekly bowling league, and now...add to that list...I'm a student. I'm a 35 year old, mini van driving, Power Rangers watching mom and now, a student. I had previously gone to Oklahoma State University (12 years ago! YIKES!) and started out as a journalism/broadcasting major and marketing minor. I took a couple years worth of classes and then changed my major to public service to suit my then employer, the Stillwater Police Department. In exchange for college tuition assistance, my major had to better reflect my duties. I took a couple more semesters of courses before I decided I wanted to move back home. I literally had 5 credit hours more to have a degree. Now, technically, it would have taken longer due to the major change, but come on. FIVE. CREDITS. Why didn't I just finish. Now, 12 years later, college is something I want to finish, even if it doesn't include parties and beer, fun roommates, and dreams yet unrealized. I will still earn the satisfaction of a job well done, and a new dream accomplished. My new goal is a Bachelor's in Hospital Administration. I have worked for the health system for seven years as of this month. I have held a number of positions, but primarily, office duties are my forte. I love me some office supplies, what can I say? I have no idea where the degree will take me, but it can't hurt.

I am still sitting in the bowling alley typing this as we pants the other team. Just kidding. We are down by 105 pins at the moment. Thursdays are my chance to have me time. Mom time. Girl time. Whatever you want to call it. Tonight, we are playing a fun group of older ladies (I better watch it; that will be me very soon.) and listening to some of the best music they have had in a very long time. Tears for Fears? Swoon. Yes, Curt, everyone does want to rule the world. I should just order another beer and enjoy myself, but I end up thinking of all the things I should be doing. That's mom life right there. I imagine my schedule in the next couple months and almost cry. Is this right for family? How is this going to affect my kids? My marriage? What am I doing to myself?? I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm knocking down the damn pins. One at a time perhaps, and on a good day, maybe all ten at once. But, I'm trying. I'm showing up and giving this thing called life, my most valiant effort. I can't do any more and I won't do any less. I am so fortunate to have the most incredible, supportive husband who is a devoted and caring father to boot. I'm not in this alone. He even bought a bowling ball.