Momma's Gonna Snap...Correction: DID

Remember that post wherein I said, "Don't judge me if I spank my kid?" Or the one where I gushed about the love I have for my son? Yeah...those two worlds have converged this afternoon. Parenting is HARD. I was sitting down to write this sweet blog post about the kind things my son did today. At lunch, without being prompted, he tore off a piece of his chicken and handed it to me. Me, thinking he was wanting me to blow on it and cool it off, did just that. "No, Mommy. This one is for Sawyer." Then, this afternoon, we purchased a piece of cake for the kids to share. I wasn't going to tell Sullivan they were sharing, I was just going to cut it up and put it on the plate and he'd be none the wiser. From the other room, he shouted at me, "Mommy, if Sawyer wants to share my cake, she can!" I lay him and his sister down in our bed to snuggle all together for naptime and he grabs his stuffed hippo because he, "Just wants something to love." (Insert heart melting: here.) We lay next to each other and do our usual game of, "I love you more." "No, I love you more."

Fast forward almost two hours and I'm STILL trying to get this kid to CLOSE. HIS. FREAKING. EYES. He has needed juice, needed covers, needed a pee break, and then a poop break (neither of which proved to be fruitful), doddled in the bathroom playing with his toothbrush, and needed to know, "Mommy, what letter starts with owl?" (All cuteness aside, I was irritated. And frustrated. And to my breaking point.) In the spirit of being totally transparent here, in a moment of weakness, I yelled. I asked him why he wasn't listening to me, why he was being difficult, why couldn't he JUST GO TO SLEEP?! I told him if he didn't get in that bed and close his eyes this second I was going to take away all of his dinosaurs and make him go sleep in his own bed. I immediately felt terrible. Why was I getting so upset about nap time? I'll tell you why. Because parenting is hard. Because we just want to be listened to by someone who has no idea how to do that. This little person is learning from me how to deal with his emotions and here I am, losing my shit. He just wanted to know how to spell owl, he wasn't trying to make me angry. He crawled up into the bed and pulled the sheets over his eyes. Presumably because if I can't see they are open, then they can't possible be open, right? He fell asleep not two minutes later and is now snoring peacefully next to me. His baby sister is snuggled so close to my hip, I'm pretty sure we are one. She has stolen my pillow and her brothers covers and has been asleep for almost an hour. Little girl for the win!

Since Monday, I have been keeping my planner up. (This miraculous, 5 pound monstrosity that will do everything for my life except make me a margarita. That's okay, that's what I married Travis for.) I have been busting my ass to do a load of dishes and at least one, if not five, loads of laundry a day. I try to make the bed every morning before getting the kids dressed in clothes I laid out the night before hand. On my day off, I swept, mopped, vaccumed, did dishes, took lil' sis to her 15 mo check up, took the cat to the vet (Yes, we just adopted a kitten amidst everything else.), did almost 5 solid hours of homework, picked up the kids, and grocery shopped. I am trying so hard to keep all the balls in the air and make sure that no one suffers from my decision to go back to school, that I am letting it get to me. I have done homework on my lunch breaks while changing out loads of laundry and then running back to work. I missed bed time with the kids on Wednesday because I had an online seminar right at their bed time and have another one every Monday and still bowl on Thursday nights, too. I cracked. I have only been in school since Wednesday and I cracked. I know I will get a routine and all will be fine, but it's getting there that is the hardest part. For now, I am going to disconnect and snuggle my sweet, slumbering babies because that is, and always will be,

my highest priority.