Daydream Believer

I stood in my friend Suzanne’s front yard as I watched the plane plummeting to the Earth. I could hear the scream of the plane as it fell faster and faster; a trail of flames and smoke behind it. The force with which it hit the ground rattled my bones. It bounced. Again and again, like a child’s rubber ball, the plane would hit the ground and jolt back into the air, only to fall again. Instantly, every yard around caught aflame. I dialed 911 and heard the voice of my fellow dispatcher, Talara. I told her the plane had crashed and I couldn’t save everyone. I look to my left and can see into a neighbor’s front window. He sits in a recliner, watching television, completely oblivious to the chaos outside. I scream. I beat on the door. Nothing. He does not hear me. I wake up in a cold sweat and begin to panic. Did I call Talara last night? Did I call 911?! Was this a premonition?

My dreams have always been detailed, lengthy, and story like. I typically have trouble dialing 911. I often have dream déjà vu where I’m IN the dream, and know I have dreamt it before. Maybe that is more déjà vécu? Isn’t that the feeling of having lived through something? I have had dreams so real that I spent the whole next day feeling scared, worried, sad…even angry. I have had recurring dreams.

I once dreamt that there was an intruder in my home. It was long and drawn out, of course, but ultimately, I killed the intruder with a hatchet. Right square between the eyes, I landed a firm thunk into his skull. All the while, I was holding my infant child.

I had a dream that I was pregnant, back when I was much too young to understand even what that meant. I could feel the baby move inside me. I remember propping a glass of water up on my swollen belly.

I have had terrible dreams. Nightmares where I put my baby in the washing machine as a new mom because I didn’t know how to bathe him. One where I put my baby in the bath tub and went to run an errand. While I’m out and about, it dawns on me that this is a terrible idea and I rush home to find my baby “asleep” at the bottom of the tub. The sickness and anxiety I felt the entire next day, was overwhelming.

Overall, most of my dreams are pleasant. My most memorable was a dream I had the night before I found out I was pregnant with Sullivan. I dreamt that I had two sweet babies, a boy and a girl. Twins. Their names were Harlow and Harper. They were in precious, footie pajamas and were asleep next to each other. The next morning, I woke with such a warm, peaceful feeling. I took a pregnancy test at work that afternoon, found out I was pregnant, and tried (quite unsuccessfully) to go back to work with a straight face. I went directly to filing and attempted not to make eye contact with anyone, and the first two charts I filed were none other than Harlow and Harper.